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Self-Care Is Not Selfish-This Is The Real Reason You Need To Start Caring For No.1


Today is the day you start making a commitment to yourself. Start making this commitment to care for your needs. And today promise yourself that you will give yourself grace and only accept positive people and experiences into your life. Today you're going to get obsessed with your self care.

At this moment you will stop saying YES to everybody else and start saying YES to your own personal needs. Today is the day you start turning the tables and looking in the mirror and recognizing who is number one. You are the most important person in your life. What is self-care? Self care in essence is the mindful taking of time to pay attention to you, not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that ensures that you are being cared for by you. self-care on its face is not selfish. Self-care is something that you need to build the life that you have always dreamed up. So put yourself at the top of the list, because if you don't put yourself at the top of the list who will? Self-Care can launch the journey of you creating a beautiful life with purpose and intention. Where do you begin? Well, you begin internally and you turn the tables and you take a look at yourself and say, how can I take better care of myself? Ask yourself-- how can I meet my own needs? Being numero uno in your life is the most important thing you can do right now. By understanding your worth and understanding that you are deserving of abundance you unlock the key to accepting all good things into your personal and professional space.

As women we're conditioned to believe that we should emanate the archetype of being a "good girl". And this "good girl"' image instructs us that to reach good girl status you must be the perfect helper and rescuer. To be a "good girl" you need to be available to volunteer, serve, fix and repair. We then, travel through life giving all our energies to other people and leave nothing for ourselves. We miss out on the beauty of living. We miss out on the abundance that we are entitled as humans to receive. Think how we are instructed on airplanes to put our oxygen mask on first on an airplane before helping others, we need oxygen. We need that oxygen to breathe, to sustain our life and then we can be of service to the lives around us.

Take a peek into a recent conversation I had with my gal pals, therapist, Tristin Hodges, Nutritionist Tia Morell and Self-Esteem Expert, Mika Altidor. We explore what self-care means to us. Jules: Tristin, you really had some gems when we talked about this last. TRISTIN:

(The therapist kicks off the conversation). Well, Jules, first of all, I think, especially with the people that I see in my practice, that neglect of self is a common thing. A lot of women don't put themselves first and they are doing too much and not taking care of themselves. When we talk about self -care. I always try to lead by example --because that's the number one thing that I always try to do--take care of myself first so I can care for my clients. . Daily I walk through with my clients that they absolutely need to make self-care a priority--and reinforce that this is not a selfish act. We've been told that through society, through our parents ,through different means-that girls who help will win in life. And I know that when we become mothers and wives--this fact is intensified. And that just simply isn't true. We can't give, if we don't have a full cup. You know, if we're running on empty, we're not going to be able to give to anybody else because we don't have anything to give. I understand that feeling, that feeling of overwhelm. And I feel it quite often. Jules: Do we make excuses not to care for ourselves? Do we make excuses so we don't have to do the work. It is always easier to reflect outwardly and not reflect on ourselves and what is really going on. MIKA: Self Esteem Expert Oh yes, Jules, we, as women make excuses to be our best because we are afraid. We are afraid we won't measure up. And it is easier to be complacent in our lives. It takes work to make time to care for your mind, body and soul. GUILT & SELF CARE Why do you feel a tinge of guilt when you carve out time specifically for yourself? Let's look at the definition of guilt: to be a guilty party means you are doing something immoral or illegal. Let me tell you that taking care of ourselves does not rise to that level. TIA: Nutritionist In terms of really, and earnestly caring for ourselves, self-care is so important to our health in general. That's something I am constantly reminding my clients that if we don't make room for self-care, it impacts our health tremendously. If we don't have time to put ourselves first, we are going to not necessarily make the right choices, food choices for ourselves. Subsequently our lack of self-care impacts our energy levels and limits the way we can show up for other people. So if we don't show up for ourselves in the first place, we can't show up for other people. We can't pour, as Tristin said, out of an empty cup, unless we are first have a full cup. So taking the time to truly take ourselves into consideration and make sure that we are doing what we need to, will be the path to help us feel our best. Make sure you do it from a guilt free place, because it's not a bad thing. It's not immoral to practice self care. And it's so easy to make excuses about why we can't do it. What I like to do is try to challenge those excuses. Every time you have a reason why you can't do something, give yourself two more reasons why you can and should.--Tia Morell What do you think about the guilt that we carry around Tristin around self care? Tristin: Well, I know specifically for me, when Jules was talking about finding any and every excuse, I know my story resonates around the quarantine 15. Gaining weight during the pandemic is a real thing. From experience I know that you can find every reasons why you're still carrying that weight. Jules: We often, as women, layer on every excuse. And on it's face it can look like a really plausible reason. I have four kids, a husband, a dog and I am leading three businesses. These are reasons. But when I am depleted--every aspect of my life suffers. Mika: Oh wow, Jules--even when I wanted to carve out time to do the podcast, I felt that guilt. I asked myself--am I being selfish--expending more time on a passion project. I immediately became a mind reader and thought--my partner--he will probably feel that this is a selfish act because I am taking time away from us. Well, I was so wrong. He was so supportive and encouraging. I could not believe that I was casting my excuses onto him. Tia: It is so important too, as an act of self-care, to surround yourself with a supportive tribe. Like Mika has with her partner and how we are all supportive to each other (the four of us). Surround yourself with people who lift you higher. I recommend to my clients all the time to step back, go and do that internal work and figure out who and what type of person should I be surrounding myself with. It's never too late to make these decisions in life either. And something I like to say is be where your feet are be in the present moment. Don't think about the past. Don't think about the future, because when you think about the past, that brings on emotions that no longer serve you and when you think about the future you are inviting tomorrow's anxiety into today. I also reminding myself that grace is greater than guilt. Give yourself the grace to mess up. Give yourself the grace to not be perfect. Give yourself time. To truly understand who you are at your core and what fills your cup. Jules: Self-care looks different for every person. Self-care looks like taking a bath, going for a walk, playing your favorite music, making something creative, calling a supportive friend, taking a class, time with your favorite furry friend, volunteering---and the list goes on and on. What the four of us know to be true is that it is so important to invest in yourself. When you invest in yourself, you will see the ripple effects in your life. Take the time to carve out moments for yourself daily. You Got This-- Jules


For more inspirational conversations like this--listen to our podcast weekly. We serve up everything personal development. And reach out to us on Instagram @crown_compassgirls. We want to hear what is on your mind. Everything we do is to empower women to live their best lives. Self-Care Challenge-- Take a pic of yourself practicing self-care--and when you post on Instagram--

tag us--@crown_compassgirls We will send the most compelling participants merch from our shop! Check Out Our Merch! AND HAVE FUN!


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© 2021 by JULIE LOKUN, Crown & Compass Coaching LLC